The Escapades of Drunken Blaine
by Mushucollins15
Summary: Blaine is a bit of a happy drunk. These are some stories of what happens when he drinks.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is something I came up with a couple hours ago, and I just _had _to post it this late. Anyways, I was writing another fic, and Blaine was really drunk and called Kurt on his phone, but I neglected to write the part where he actually picked up the phone, so my friend Sabrina told me and said "I thought Blaine was talking to Kurt through the phone" so that's how the second one of these came about.**

**This is going to have multiple chapters of really short ficlets that I come up with as I go. **

**Sabrina is also helping me write some chapters, so there will be frequent updates. **

**Anyways~ I hope you all like Drunken Blaine! Please review(and maybe message any funny ideas you have for us to include, those would be muchly appreciated!)**

"Blaine," Kurt muttered drunkenly before the other boy crushed their mouths together. They didn't really drink that much, just enough for Kurt to feel a buzz. What with Blaine being short, however, he was just a little worse off.

They kissed languidly, Kurt keeping it under control while Blaine desperately whined into his mouth. He tried deepening it, and Kurt gave in for a second, letting Blaine bite onto his bottom lip.

"Come on Kurt," he whispered, voice low. "You know you want to."

"But- but your parents-" Kurt replied, being cut off by his boyfriend's lips against his own.

"Fuck my parents." _Well fuck. _Kurt lost it, pushing Blaine back and straddling him and they kissed. Blaine grabbed onto his hips, digging his nails into the soft skin.

"Blaine!" A voice screeched from downstairs, and the boys broke apart. It was Blaine's mother.

"Yeah, mom?"

"I want you to clean your room!" the voice replied, and Kurt laughed into his shoulder.

Blaine stood up, knocking Kurt over onto the bed in the process, and put his arms in front of him. "I will do it-" he dramatically raised his voice into a yell, "_**EVENTUALLY!"**_

Kurt couldn't help it, and he let out a laugh, which turned into multiple giggles as Blaine sat down with a serious look on his face.

"But first," he started, voice still dramatic. "I will make out with my boyfriend," then he attacked.

* * *

><p>Blaine never drank. Ever. He used to, but not anymore. Ever. Usually a night of drinking would end up with him passing out in weird, possibly dangerous places. Last time, he had ended up on a bush.<p>

So that is why he never drank.

"Kurt," he giggled, falling straight onto his face into a fluffy carpet. He rubbed his face on it, purring like a cat.

There was no answer from his boyfriend, so he sat up, confused, his head spinning. "Kurt?" Now he was frantic, looking around the room. He smiled. "Oh, Kurt."

He picked up the bottle of alcohol, hugging it to his chest. "Oh Kurt, I love you so." He crawled into his bed with the bottle, hugging it to his chest before falling into a deep sleep.

* * *

><p>Blaine was currently dancing on his kitchen counter, all alone. Again. And he was possibly, maybe a little bit drunk.<p>

His favorite song was playing, and he was singing along obscenely loudly. "_If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy, __**come on Kurt, let me know." **_

"Blaine?" Kurt's voice rang out into the kitchen, and he stopped dancing, trying to stay still but failing. "Blaine, what are you doing? Why did you call me over here?"

"Kurt," Blaine started, his voice deep. He spun around. On his face was a fake mustache. "I mustache you a question."

* * *

><p>"Doggy!" Blaine slurred out, wiggling his arms out to reach for his puppy. Almost falling over, he walked closer as Lucy looked at him, tilting her head to one side. "Loo-looooo," he added happily as he approached.<p>

Soon he was right by the dog, and he leaped, landing to the ground with a thud as Lucy ran away from him. "Ow."

He searched the house on his hands and knees, crawling under tables and chairs. "Lucyyy," he giggled. "Puppy, pupppyyyy!" Blaine found her laying on the couch, her head on her paws.

"Oh!" He exclaimed, hopping onto the couch next to her. She started and jumped off, running away again.

"Wait," he called out, chasing after her. "_Why don't you love me?"_

* * *

><p><em>Stay still. Stay silent. Stay still, stay silent.<em>

"Blaine? What're you doing?" Kurt slurred. He tried to pull the lamp shade off of Blaine's head, but the other boy just grumbled and shoved it back down.

"Be quiet," he hissed. "I'm a lamp."

"Blaine, you goose, you can't be a lamp," Kurt tried to explain in his drunken state.

"Why not?" he asked, pulling the shade back up to look his boyfriend in the eyes. "I just want to light up your life. Why can't you approve of my choices?"

"Blaine. You're a lamp."

"Exactly," he said smiling before dropping it back over his face and pulling the string to turn the light on.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry this chapter is so short, but I'm really working on Drawn to Danger, and I thought I'd post what I have so far**

**Hope you like it! Please review!**

Blaine dialed his phone frantically, his fingers slipping up the first time, causing him to accidentally call someone in Kentucky. "Come on, come on," he said, almost messing up again.

"Hello?" a raspy voice said, and he sighed in relief.

"Oh, Kurt."

"Blaine?" his boyfriend said, sounding more alert now. "What's wrong baby?"

"I just wanted to ask if you know how much I love you."

There was a rustling sound over the phone. "Blaine, are you drunk?" His voice sounded annoyed now, but Blaine's drunken mind didn't register it.

He shook his head quickly. "Just a teeny bit, but answer the question. Do you know how much I love you?"

Kurt sighed, deciding to humor his boyfriend. "How much do you love me, Blaine?"

Blaine grinned goofily, spreading his arms apart and yelling "THIS MUCH!"

"What?" he heard Kurt say on the other end of the phone.

"Oh, I mean you can't really see it, but it's a lot," Blaine slurred, pretty satisfied at himself.

"Okay, Blaine, now go to sleep."

Giggling, Blaine walked through his house, looking into different rooms. Finally, he came to his sister's room, and he stepped inside. He gasped and ran up to a poster on the wall.

It was a poster of Taylor Lautner.

"Oh Kurt will be so happy I found you, you're not fat yet," he said, trying to grab it off the wall. He accidentally ripped it in half in his excitement, and this caused him to tumble to the ground, clutching the one half in his hands. He looked in between the wall and his hand multiple times.

An hour later, Gina Anderson went upstairs to her room to find her older brother sobbing on the floor. "Blaine? What the hell are you doing?" she asked, grabbing the paper from him.

"I-I" he spluttered out in between sobs. "I killed him! Now Kurt won't finish his bu-bu-bu-bucket list!" he fell to the ground and curled into a ball, tears streaming down his face.

"Oh my god," Gina muttered, rolling her eyes and grabbing him by the arms to drag him to his room.


	3. Chapter 3

**No notes really except I hope you guys still find these amusing! Please leave reviews, I love them!**

"Son, get down from there at once!" An officer was calling him, but Blaine was on a mission. The man beneath him was of little importance now as he scaled up a tree.

"No! I have to get higher so I can be taller than Finn," he called out drunkenly to the small gathering of people. A majority of them were his neighbors, laughing as he almost fell off of a branch. "Then Kurtsie will want to give me kisses all the time." He accompanied this with a kissy face, smooching the bark, making a face. Throwing his arms around the trunk, he giggled. "You don't taste as good as usual, Kurt."

"I'm giving you one last chance, get down from there!" Blaine scowled, looking down. He could see them all now, a lot farther down than he originally presumed. Now, there were inflated pads on the ground, and Blaine wanted nothing more than to jump on them. So he let go of the branch.

He could feel himself soaring, and kept his body limp as he plummeted down, also keeping his arms to his sides. His body bounced upwards as he hit the object, flying back up for a moment before returning down and repeating the process again.

"Blaine!" Blaine could hear him but not see him.

"Kurt? Where're you?" He reached his arms out, clutching his fingers around air before they were replaced with what had to be Kurt's hands. "Oh Kurt, I found you." Opening his eyes, he tried to remain serious, but found himself giggling slightly at Kurt's horrified yet annoyed expression. "I was a whole foot taller than Finn just now Kurt, so you can kiss me!"

* * *

><p>Blaine bumped into Finn, glancing up at him with wide eyes. "Oh sorry Finny, looking for Kurt."<p>

"Blaine?" Ever so observant, Finn noticed something was off as he walked into the living room. "Are you drunk or something?"

"No!" Blaine said this, sounding outraged at the accusation, but not really convincing Finn. "Okay, well just a_ little bit_, I swear it's only a little, like you know Rachel is little, she's short but I'm short too, we're both very little." He was mumbling to himself now and had totally forgotten that he was trying to convince Finn that he wasn't intoxicated. His hands moved back and forth as he tried to state his point- or at least the point he thought he was making. "Well my dick certainly isn't little, of course."

"Whoa dude, don't need to know that! Where's Kurt?" Finn looked around awkwardly as Blaine stumbled onto the couch where Finn now sat.

"Yeah, Finn, Kurt and I-" Blaine paused, looking serious before laughing. "We have sex! All the time, and it's really nice and I love Kurt I really do." Blaine stood up and started jumping on the couch shouting "WE HAVE SEX!"

"Blaine, sit down!" Finn was screaming to him, but Blaine just jumped off of the couch when Kurt walked into the room. His expression changed from happiness to confusion to mortification all in the span of a few seconds.

"Oh god," he whispered out when he saw the state of his boyfriend.

"Oh Kurt, there you are! I've been looking for you for_ever_," Blaine grabbed him by the arm to lead him upstairs. "Bye, Finn, we're going to have SEX now!" Kurt yelled out in shock, but Blaine kept steering him up the steps.

Finn sat there for a moment, staring at nothing. Finally he shook his head. "What?"


End file.
